Farmer Wants a Wife

Tonight is the series premier of Farmer Wants a Wife. I'm so excited. I decided to attempt the running diary of the show. We'll see how it goes...

8:00pm - Show starts. They introduce the Farmer. He's on a John Deere with jeans and no shirt on. I'm sold. Kathryn may be the 26th bachelorette, but they've found my niche here. And strangely, the farmer's name is also Matt. "He's good looking, college educated, and has over 2,000 acres of land." My friend Jamie's sold now too. She likes guys with land. Matt is from Portage Des Sioux, a town with a population of 351. Wow. That's small. That's like 1/10th the size of DeMotte. They then flash to the city. The first one they show is Chicago. The girls are interviewed talking about how shady guys are and how sick they are of "city relationships". One said she thought farmers have good values. So, there are going to be 10 girls coming out to the farm...

8:02pm - Commercial break...

8:04pm - Matt introduces himself. Portage Des Sioux is apparently in Missouri. But he says it Miz-ur-uh. He said what's hard about finding a wife out there is that everyone either marries their high school sweetheart (what's wrong with that?) or heads for the city.

8:05pm - They show more of Chicago. I see the Merch! Introduce Stephanie, a 23 year old salon receptionist from LA. She's sick of being "arm candy".

8:06pm - Next up is Ashley. She is 27 years old and is a sales manager with a hotel in Chicago. Her career is her life, but she's not getting any younger. Lisa is a 21 year old Christian girl looking for a guy with some morals. I bet she's the first one to take her top off. She also lives in LA. Ah, I retract the top off prediction. She's a virgin. I didn't think they had those in LA. Now we meet Josie. She is a 24 year old math teacher from Laguna Niguel, CA (apparently this is also LA). She keeps talking about being a republican. Boy, do I have the guy for her... She just said that she would love to be a farmer's wife so she could ride horses and go to polo matches. Um, polo matches? She then said that farmer's wives don't work because she has people working for her. What farms has this girl seen?

8:07pm - Brooke is a 22 year old nanny from Dallas. She says she really wants kids. So far, I think she is probably the most realistic match for Matt on the show. Krista is a 23 year old accountant from Orlando, FL. Her dad grew up on a farm and she's looking for a guy with values like that. Why is everyone think all farmers have good morals?

8:08pm - We now meet Amanda, a 21 year old college student, also from Chicago. 21 year olds don't want to get married! We have another Christa, spelled differently this time. She is a 21 year old cocktail waittress from New York. People from NY think they're so cool. She said she is a partier who stays out until 6, 7, 8am. She must be doing coke. I know the signs. She had a guy dump her over text message.

8:09pm - We see Stacey getting dropped off by daddy. Clearly super high maintenance. She is 24 from Delray Beach, FL. She has to get a mani/pedi every week and then goes on to list all her favorite brands... I zoned out after "Prada, Gucci..." Oh, and she is a public relations agent. Kanisha is the token black chick. Just kidding. She is 24 and a leasing agent from Ontario. I wonder if she really does realize she might be the only black person in Portage Des Sioux...

8:10pm - They get out of the planes and see field. Stephanie says "This really is the country." Um, yeah, he isn't farming in a city!

8:11pm - Their ride shows up. It's a school bus. Just like my neighbors drive... All three of them... The girls are put out that they have to ride in a school bus.

8:13pm - The girls are on the farm, Matt is out in the fields. They stand around waiting for him and he comes around on the tractor with his shirt off. They all start squeling. Josie unzips her shirt to show more cleavage.

8:18pm - Matt shows up on the tractor. One girl yells out "I think your tractor's sexy." At least someone knows some country music. Must be the girl from Dallas.

8:20pm - We meet Matt's mom who reveals that SHE is (was) a city girl. But, then she fell in love with a farmer.

8:22pm - Josie is obnoxious. She is the least attractive girl there, but she thinks she the hottest. The house is pretty nice, and Josie said she would flood the place, collect insurance and remodel. Um, how do you fake a flood? She asked Matt's mom if there was going to be a maid. And then she asked if the toilets flush normally.

8:23pm - Stephanie is scared of the chickens. She thinks they're going to peck her eyes out. Then she's scared of the cows.

8:24pm - Stephanie steps in cow poop.

8:26pm - Josie says that money is more important than love and that she would like Matt more if he was better off. I still don't know how she made it on this show, she is not attractive. She talks about some dude she dated that ONLY made $60k and she couldn't take it.

Josie... Not attractive.

8:27pm - Commercial break. So far my favorite girls are Brooke & Amanda. I also like Kanisha, and (surprisingly) the girl from New York, Christa.


8:29pm - The rooster crows at 4:57am.


8:30pm - Lisa, Brooke & Stephanie are talking. Lisa is saying that the Bible like the playbook for life and your pastor is like the coach. Turns out that Brooke is a virgin as well. Stephanie just sits there looking confused and appalled.


8:32pm - There is the first "challenge". It involves chickens. That's not good for Stephanie. Whoever coops the most chickens won't go home. Matt seems pretty sweet. I'm a pretty big fan.


8:35pm - Stephanie actually gets a chicken. Josie gets NO chickens because she thinks it is too working class. She just stands there with her fat gut hanging out. Kanisha & Krista tie with 10 chickens, so they have to have a coop-off. DOH, a commercial break!


8:42pm - Kanisha wins the challenge! Matt tells her she's walkin' in tall cotton. Now I have that song in my head...


8:44pm - They go on a hay ride and talk about what they do and why they want a farmer.


8:45pm - Matt says he doesn't where underwear.


8:47pm - Josie & Kanisha have words out on the front porch. Josie tells her "This isn't the ghetto." Whoa. Oh no she didn't!


8:50pm - The girls all decide to wear black because one of them is getting sent home. The girls tell Josie that they don't like her and she is full of herself.


8:51pm - They go to the barn for elimination. PLEASE send Josie home. Each of them has a chicken with their name on the coop. If there is an egg under their chicken, they are staying. If there is no egg, they are being sent home.


8:52pm - Josie finds an egg. You have got to be freaking kidding me. Matt, COME ON! Kanisha has pretty much the same response. Stephanie is sent back to the city. I still think she is better than Josie even though she didn't hack it on the farm.

Adios Stephanie!


8:54pm - There is a date for one of the girls that night. Matt gets to choose and he picks Christa (NYC girl). Brooke is ticked.


8:55pm - The date is in the yard. It's basically a swing and some food and drinks. But, Christa likes it. He makes her a mint julep.


8:57pm - While they are on the date, some of the other girls TP his car. It was Brooke, Amanda, and I think Lisa... Anyway, they screw up the end of Christa's date, so she is kind of annoyed. Mostly just with Brooke because Brooke is like totally head over heels over Matt.


Can't wait for next week!!