Survivor's "Coach"

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Last night, Lee and I finally caught up on Survivor. We had missed last week's episode. In case you haven't been watching, there is a contestant that calls himself "Coach". He is the most bizarre person I have ever seen on the show, and that is saying a lot!

Coach is a women's soccer coach for the Southwest Baptist University in Missouri. He is also an artistic director and conductor of a California symphony orchestra. He used to travel the world playing the trumpet and set the world record for the longest solo kayak expedition on the ocean (6,132 miles).

But, on the show, Coach is mainly just a weirdo. He says strange things, tells weird stories, does warrior poses alone on the beach. He has started calling himself the dragon slayer. Last night, when Steven was sent to exile island, Coach's parting words were "Be the wizard". WTF?

Last Thursday, Coach told a story that he had only told 3 other people in his life. And apparently, now, he chose to share it with all of America. Here is a link to the video of it. It is a bit long, but worth every minute of it.

His story starts with him being dropped off by a military chopper near the Peruvian border. He is kayaking down the Amazon River. Some indigenous tribe members attack him and tie him to a post and beat him. At one point, they are planning to eat his a$$hole (WHAT?!?). He somehow escapes. The entire tribe is sitting there listening to this story. I'm not sure how they were keeping a straight face. At the end of it all, Brandon goes "So, how much did it cost to get flown in by military chopper?" It was free, Coach pulled some strings. Then, he elaborates to say that National Geographic had wanted to come with him on his trip, but he turned them down because the trip was just all about him.

Coach also claims to practice an ancient form of Chinese martial arts. But you can't Google it because it is only passed down verbally. Convenient.

At tribal counsel, Coach mentions that he has had near-death encounters six different times. The host, Jeff, asks him to list some of them. Hurricane, shark, alligator... The indigenous Peruvians didn't even make the short list?

However, I just found this on the Survivor website:
Wade has also been attacked by a tiger shark, stalked by a jaguar in the Amazon and has been bitten by a piranha on his right hand.

Perhaps more of his stories are true than I once thought! The website also had a full page of "Coach videos". Check it out!

Survivor Tocantins - Started Thursday

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I'm not sure if Fubar watched the premiere of Survivor Tocantins on Thursday, but if he did, he might of shed a tear...

Despite the fact that it was looking EXTREMELY good for Sandy, the slightly nutty older woman, to go home, the tribe sent Carolina home. Carolina is a 26 year old bartender from California. AND she is the best rack on Survivor this season. Unfortunately, even her boobs couldn't distract her teammates from her annoying voice and attitude. If you want to see some "action" shots of Carolina, just check out the intro of the series.

It usually takes me a few episodes to get into Survivor, and this season is no different. One thing I did notice, is there is no older man on the show this season. Very odd. Really, besides Sandy, it's an extremely young cast! We already got the first nudity out of the way. Tyson stripped down about as soon as they got to camp and ran around free-ballin'.

STUPID STUPID STUPID (Again!)

Survivor Spoiler Alert (Fubar)
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Let's recap the stupid moves that have been made this season:

First, Ozzie gets voted out while holding the immunity idol.

Then, Jason gets voted out while holding the immunity idol.

Both stupid moves. But, last night blows them both out of the water. Erik actually gave up his individual immunity for Natalie. And then the girls voted him out. What a bunch of conniving b_tches! I don't even want any of the 4 women left to win. Seriously, they have all been so manipulative. The worst being Natalie, I think. I guess the best one left is Amanda... They totally preyed on the fact that Erik is young, a dude, and a little bit star-struck because he is such a huge fan of Survivor. That's just low...

So, adios, Erik. You will definitely be remembered as the dumbest Survivor (and as the guy with hair like a lion's mane).

STUPID STUPID STUPID

Survivor Spoiler Alert!
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It happened AGAIN!!

Survivor tonight, another idiot had the immunity idol, got greedy, didn't play it and got voted out. WHY PEOPLE? And seriously, they just watched it happen to Ozzy last week. AGH!

Survivor - GREAT episode

Last night's episode of Survivor was a good one! Don't read on if you haven't watched it yet and you plan to...

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OK, that was your chance to stop reading.

So, for those of you that don't remember, in the previous episode, Jason had given Eliza what he thought was the immunity idol, but was really just a stick. This was pretty funny. Eliza tried to play it at tribal counsel and got the boot.

At the beginning of this episode, everyone is questioning Jason about the stick. Basically, everyone realizes at this point that Ozzy has the idol. So, not only is he the best player, he has the idol too. This is not good!

They have a reward challenge and the winners get to go to a small village nation called Yap. One guy, Erik, eats a ton, drinks a bunch of Micronesian beer, and keeps chewing on these leaves that are like tobacco. No surprise, he ends up hurling at the side of the village. Who hasn't been there?

Now, onto the immunity challenge. Jason KNOWS he is not popular around camp. I feel kind of bad for him. I'm not really sure why no one likes him, but whatever. Jason knows his only hope to stay in the game is to win this immunity. For immunity, they have to stand with their arms over their head. If their arm drops, a big bucket of colored stuff pours on them and they are out. Well, Jeff starts offering them food and people start dropping out fast. It finally comes down to Jason & Parvati. (Mind you, SIX freaking hours have gone by. My arm would have fallen off long ago!) So, they start trying to convince Jason to give up. Then Jeff offers up food for the whole tribe if either Jason or Parvati will give up. Finally, the whole tribe "PROMISES" not to vote Jason out if he quits. Most of them have their fingers crossed. So, he throws in the towel. Dumb move! Come on!!

So, Parvati has immunity, and everyone is ready to go back on their word and vote Jason out. Really, besides being a jerk move, it is pretty smart. I mean, Jason is only one member of the jury, and he is going to be pissed at EVERYONE, so who cares? But, in a genius move, Parvati convinces people to secretly vote for Ozzy. This was dangerous because Ozzy & Parvati are supposed to be in an alliance. If Ozzy had thought something was up and played the idol, it would have been trouble. But, in the end, everyone played it off perfectly and Ozzy AND the idol got sent home! It's a whole new game now!

This episode was probably the most exciting I had seen in awhile. This was more classic Survivor. I hope the backstabbing continues! I can't wait to see who wins!

There is a bad history of people not playing immunity idols and getting voted out. James had TWO and got voted out. I think people just get too cocky with those things. If I were on Survivor and I had the idol, I would play that thing!! In his closing interview, Ozzy was PISSED! He was swearing and saying he hated people. It was great!

Survivor Rant (spoiler alert if you haven't watched this week)

Ok, so I have been SO mad at the idiots on this season's Survivor, I just had to rant.

It started from week 1 when they voted off Chicken, the only dude that might be handy to have around.

Then there is Courtney. The ultra blonde, anorexic looking chick from New York. Now, you KNOW she is from New York because she mentions it pretty much every other sentence.

Peih-Gee drives me crazy. Something about her really irritates me. Plus, she keeps plugging how she is Chinese, yet she doesn't know crap about the country.

Sherea won't do crap around camp because she is "saving her strength" for the challenges. Ok, so let's just sit around and starve and have no fire, food or shelter so we have strength for challenges? That makes no sense.

Now, the latest thing to happen is that the tribes switched their two best players. This is a pretty big screw-job because it puts these strong players in danger of getting the boot. So, Zhan Hu took James & Aaron and Fei Long took Sherea & Frosti.

The morons at Zhan Hu (mainly Peih-Gee) decide to THROW the immunity challenges so that they can vote off Aaron & James, getting rid of two really strong players AND balancing out the numbers of original Zhan Hu/Fei Long members. I personally don't think that throwing a challenge ever ends up working out well for tribes, but that is just me. Things change too fast for a long-term plan like that to pay off. Plus, this whole plan rests on the tribes merging at 10 players. You never know if that is going to be the case (from the previews it looks like she was right, but you never know.) If they voted off Aaron & James and the tribes DIDN'T merge, then they wouldn't have a prayer of winning immunity. The other mistake they make is that they can't throw the challenge without laughing like idiots. Peih-Gee even stopped in the middle to chat about Sodoku. WTF? So, James figures out that they threw the challenge and gets PISSED. He says he doesn't even want to be there and tell him to vote him off. They ignore him and vote off Aaron, who wants to stick around. (This makes me sad, because he's some eye candy. Mmm.)

SO, they did all of this in order to keep their original tribe intact. The only problem is THIS week, they discover that Sherea and Frosti have no interest in still being a tribe with them. So, they just threw a challenge, voted off Aaron, pissed off James, and screwed themselves. Ha! Now they're all "maybe we should try and win now..." DUH!

At the end of the episode, I am just happy that lazy Sherea went home. I miss hottie Aaron, but I really want James and the lunch lady with a mullet to make it far. I like people with work ethic!